How NOT to Lose Your Sexy-Self // During Lockdown

Following my most recent post in the How To: Lockdown series
How NOT to Lose Your Mind
today I’m offering up a second set of mindset matters:

How NOT to Lose Your Sense of SelfandHow to Stay Sexy Whilst Staying Solo*

*Be Warned: This second bit gets rather raunchy.


Let’s start safe & begin with your identity…

Samantha Kelsie | Lovin’ the company of her own reflection!

OK. Say it out loud – how many of us are wearing our pyjamas like they’re our uniform right now?


Not showering. No need for make up. My onesie is fast becoming my second skin. Dry shampoo…? Nah. No point.

Let’s be honest, it all feels a little bit indulgent doesn’t it? A guilty pleasure. A break from the daily routine and a chance to simply slob out (no one is judging).

But those feelings will only last so long!

By day 10278 of isolation, it might start to feel different. We’ll lose our energy, suffer a quash in our enthusiasm and slowly, surely, that slob-like lifestyle will start to lose it’s sparkle.

We’ll start to lose OUR sparkle. 

The fact is that whether we like it or not, those clothes we wear – the accessories we choose – the way we put our face on and tie our hair up – our sumptuous scent when we step out of the bathroom – these are what make us feel good!
These are some of our our self-care essentials. They are essential, because they’re what make us feel like ‘US.’ 

They are the tools of our identity; the visible expressions of our personality; our inner methods of self-love brought forth by our outer self-expression.  They remind us of who we are and who we chose to be.

They effect (yup, you guessed it) our…. 


That’s not to say we are defined by the clothes that we put on our backs each day, or that we should be considered any more or less valid as a person by the weight of the mascara on our lashes… (real, or false).

But for many of us, our identity is CELEBRATED through the freedom of choice that we give to our appearance. Our choices empower us.

Samantha’s utterly delighted to find that she got all dressed up – for no-one!

They give us confidence, and we create a persona that we are proud of – one that makes us walk tall and feel comfortable in our own skin (beneath the fabric).

And so long as we maintain a healthy relationship with how we present ourselves to others, and to how other people receive us – then that is not a bad thing! 

It just makes you – YOU

So, sure – make the most of these moments to live in your lounge wear if you want to, and embrace the daytime pyjamas at your desk. Fuck it. I’ve definitely been guilty of holding a business Zoom wearing yesterday’s knickers and my slippers below the waste. I’ve even been on the radio in a bikini before now – but that’s another matter…

Fact is, we all deserve a break from reality, so go wild in your onesie and leave the make up on the shelf.

But only do it for so long as it makes you feel good.

Because the moment you start to feel lethargic, or less like you… the moment you start to question your confidence or lose your sense of self… change it. Whack on your best ball gown** and great big tiara if you have to. Whatever makes you happy.

**(True story – my friend actually wore a ball gown on our weekly Zoom catch up last week – just because).⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀


And since I’m now picturing you all parading around your living room in your lingerie, let’s get on to my next point…


That’s right my darlings, I’m talking sex in isolation.

Solo sex. Wanking. Spanking the pony. Tickling the hamster…
(who says that?!)

OK, so some of you are lucky enough to be trapped at home with your partners in isolation right now. For you, sex is on tap, if you want it…

(Right let’s get this out the way quick – cue the necessary gaffaws and giggles that ‘lucky – you what?!’ – you really don’t want it with him/her if you can help it – or ‘when you’re in a relationship you only give out blow jobs on birthdays’ etc…. usual lark. Go ahead – indulge yourself.)

For those of you like me, though? I’m a bazillion miles away from dick in the current climate, and it’s getting pretty desperate. 

(Truly… it is).

I’m masturbating. Hard. Fast.
And often.


(Oh, what do you know! We didn’t need the yoga mat after all…)

Satin bed sheets and a candlelit pillow party for one… anyone?

So here’s my tip –

Yep I really mean. Go do it. Right now*** 

***Well not right, right now… at least finish reading this first.

I’m not suggesting you just go away and get cosy with your hand and a pillow for 10 minutes though…

I’m talking the full works.

Set yourself up on a ‘hot date for one’ and make a whole meal of it. Light candles, play music… drink some wine… get baked (that’s not really one for me, but whatever floats your boat).

It’s each to their own in how you get there, but if you take yourself on a pure, self-loving journey of absolute bliss that winds up in the bedroom…

You’ll be guaranteed a second date. 

I promise.

Need some inspiration? Here’s a blog post to help you.
Sex toys not your thing? OK. Please yourself. Or don’t… (see what I did?!)

Sex is a soul saver.

It releases charming chemicals into our brain and body, and that makes us feel goooooood. And why shouldn’t we indulge ourselves a bit more right now, whilst everything else is feeling just a little bit shit?

Actually, it doesn’t take a crisis to make me come… but, whatever. You get where I’m going. Now go have a wank. 


Lost your sense of self-belief? Lacking truth in your identity?
Can’t quite fathom who you are or where you’re going next?
You know this is just a blip in your vision,
but you’re not quite sure what to do when the light comes flooding in…

Do you want to come out of this pandemic feeling confident, or just complacent?
Do you want to feel sexier now than you ever did at the start?

Thought so.
Then now is the time to commit.

Find out more about how Samantha can you support you in a
121 Life Coaching series
by following this link!

Samantha Kelsie | ZFG
Lifestyle Empowerment Coach

Permission to be – unapologetically YOU ⚡


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